PowderBlueOrbit

Recently, I ran out of razor blades. So I started growing a beard. As the beard grew longer, it started looking super fisty. I knew something had to be done, as evident in this High Resolution Photography:

Remebering old Tom and Jerry cartoons, I decided to get a hot towel shave, just like a real man. I searched The World Wide Interweb to try to find a good place in Manhattan. Barbers aren't necessarily known to be web saavy, so it was a somewhat fruitless search. Gothamist had this to say, and Citysearch had this. My current partner, however, swore his boy swears by this joint, VIP Design Haircuts.

The dude there totally shaved me, as shown by more High Resolution Photography below:

Getting shaved is Goodtimes...

I'm on the fence about VIP, however. Someone had posted about staying away from Russian places, so I may try an Italian one next time.

Regardless, I learned that my beard was way too long to get a proper straight razor shave. Dude (not Dr. Mike, by the way) had to use electric clippers on my face before going to the blade. As a result, my face was slightly broken out after, but this is normal for me if I haven't shaved in awhile. I got a couple minor nicks, but again, I believe it was because my skin was bumpy from not shaving.

Bonus is that it only costs $8. Super bonus is that you can barely easily navigate their awesome website to find a 20% off coupon — %30 if you are a student with ID.

Posted by admin at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

For about the last week, I have had my head wedged completely up my own ass. I'm not sure why. Until further notice I crown myself His Majesty King Knucklehead I. Here is a list my accomplishments to merit such an honor, after the jump...

1) The Post Office Incident

I've been trying to mail a fucking birthday present to my boy, as seen above, (left.) Everyone knows how difficult it is to mail shit, especially in this city. Recently, I managed to box up my boy's gift, in preparation for the mail. I completely forgot how to address a box, so I wrote my info in the Addressee area, and his info in the Return to Sender Area.

How fucking stupid is that? So I basically mailed myself his present, which arrived to my surprise the next day.

2) The Bike Pickup Double Space-out

As you know, I've had my bike serviced recently. Israel (that's the dudes name, no shit...) called yesterday to say it was ready. I snuck out of work to go pick it up yesterday, got halfway there, then realized I forgot my wallet. So I slunk back to work, and figured I'd pick it up later.

When later came, I snuck out of work again, got halfway there, and realized that I forgot my lock key. So I had to go back, get the key, then go back to the shop. Stupid.

3) Free Bike

Yesterday, I went to get a real shave. I found a pole to lock my bike to. I carefully postioned the bike against the pole, being careful not to disturb the other bike that was locked to it. I proceeded to lock my lock to the pole, and not my bike. I went in, for a shave, leaving the bike unlocked in The Village for about 30 minutes. When I returned, my bike was still there, with the lock hanging on the pole.

At first I thought that someone had played a joke on me. Like someone had actually unlocked the bike, then left the lock in place, as if to teach me a lesson. But I soon realized it was my own fault. I was astonished and somewhat frightened by my own blinding dumbassedness.

4) Coffee Gravity

I got up early this morning to go to the gym. I carefully packed my work clothes, my gym clothes, and other accessories like my ipod and phone, into my back pack — along with a freshly filled Thermos of scalding hot coffee. Wow! I thought as I zipped up the pack, I did a really fine job of packing it up. I placed the pack aside, and began The Morning Departure Process.

Ready to go, I grabbed the pack and felt wetness. The Thermos had been open when I packed it. Coffee had spilled, soaking most of the bag, and some of the contents. Aside from delay, this caused me to bike with my shoulder bag, like a douchebag bike messenger. What an asshole.

5) Muffin Ditch

Last week, I had time to kill and was feeling the effects of coffee gut-rot in the morning. So, I vividly remember taking a $10 out of my jacket pocket, and slipping it into my back jeans pocket. I walked to a far away deli, and ordered a bran muffin. The guy started wrapping it up, and I reached for my $10, which wasn't there. I checked all my pockets to no avail.

So I bailed on the deli and walked all the way back to the office, thinking for sure that I lost the 10 on the way. When I got back, I checked my wallet. No 10! Later, I reached into my pocket, and there it was. What the fuck?

I'm hoping to pull my head out of my own ass soon, as I fear that I may be a hazzard to myself and those around me.

Posted by admin at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

(UPDATE - Though constantly spittling while talking really loud, Bikeguy managed to say that I should use these Bontrager Race Lite Hardcase tires.)

Look, I love my bike and all, but it's a real son-of-a-bitch in the city. I get a flat every week. Take this morning for example. I get up 7:00am, ready to gym it up, and leave the apartment at 7:30am. What a great day!

Then, 5 minutes later, I roll into Tompkins, and my fucking back tire is flat. Yaaaay!!! Goodtimes for me.

Everyone knows that all bike shops are slack, so my local one, accordingly, doesn't open till 11am. And closes at 6pm. And isn't open Wednesdays or Sundays.

So what's a brother to do?

Obviously my only choice was to become the Douchebag With The Bike on the Subway During Rush Hour. That's right. I walked Flatty McFlattenson up to the V, and took that bitch all the way to Roc Center. Then I walked it through The Nightmare That Is Times Square into Hell's Kitchen and locked it up in front of my current gig.

Goodtimes abound for me. At lunch I can look forward to dealing with these dickheads.

Meanwhile, my man recommends "Mr. Tuffy", and these super bikers have a bunch of opinions. Maybe I will try these Specialized Armadillos.

Posted by admin at 02:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My boy was in town, which gave me an excuse to hit up this "new" bar in the LES. It's called The East Side Company Bar, and it's owned by the same company as ultra-pretentious Milk & Honey.

Here's some info about the bar, and some more.

TESCB is cool, because:

1) It's off the beaten path.

At least for now. Everyone knows that weird things start to happen once you cross Delancey towards downtown. Time and Space shift and bend. But if you're adventurous, it pays off because that area, what I like to call the "Lower-Lower East Side" has lots of gems, like this place, or this.

Extra bonus is that the bar is completely hidden, speakeasy style. It's simple wood plank exterior and lack of windows, hides it well among old storefronts.

2) It's cool inside.

The bar is long and narrow, like your mother's dick. It has low ceilings that have that retro, pressed-tin thing going on. There's lot's of dark wood, and nice, open comfortable booths. All is lit by candlelight. There is a potentially scandalous looking DJ room in the back.

3) The drinks are great.

Like Milk and Honey, they boast a menu of specialty drinks, especially ones that use fresh fruit and ground ingredients. I had something called The Black Derby, which was whiskey, honey, grapefruit juice, and something else, maybe pineapple juice. It was served in a mini-martini sort of glass, and it was Goodtimes.

Best of all, it wasn't really crowded for a Saturday night. Maybe we hit it on an off night, but it was refreshing to be able to sit down. Oh yeah, it's on Essex just south of Grand. Use the Power of The Interweb or the links above for the exact address.

Posted by admin at 06:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I love music. I used to be in a band. I used to spin records. In summary, I used to make music. I'm gearing up to start working again. Meanwhile I've decided to jump on the myspace bandwagon. Unfortunately, I now have a profile, and am enmeshed in the blockhead functionality and ugly UI that is myspace.

But the good part is that there are 3 older tracks posted, and a newer one.

My project name is pal:ndøm. But for sanity's sake, it can be abreviated palndrom.

Check it out here.

Posted by admin at 05:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The other thing I tried to do last night was go with my boy to see Ladyhawk at Cake Shop. I know nothing about this band except that they are Canadain, and their name reminds me of the gay movie.

But I'm not really always open to checking out new stuff, so I decided to try. A precursory walk-by showed them playing 4th out of 4 bands, with the show starting at 8pm.

Ok, fine. Thanks, Cake Shop, for putting a sign in the window. Everyone knows this means they should be playing by about 11pm (this is, of course figuring in the Rule-of-Slack that most bands operate by.

We rolled in at 11pm, and of course they weren't playing. In fact, the second band hadn't even gone on. Plus, the Cake Shop rivals Judson Memorial Church during an Arcade Fire show as The Most Pretentious Indie Rocker Spot Ever.

I hate when shit is late. Especially with shows. Be fucking professional. Set up quickly. Break down quickly. Play your little song, then play next one, etc... So who knows, maybe Ladyhawk is the best band ever. There's one song on their website, and their Obligatory Myspace Page is taking 100,000,000,000 years to load audio, so...

Note to Cake Show: Hire someone capable to run the door and handle money, or at least someone that can do more than one thing at once. And isn't a cunt.

Posted by admin at 07:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My friend's friend had a t-shirt show at this bar called Gallery Bar last night, yet another new bar that suddenly spawned in the LES.

I swear to God that a new bar opens every week down here. The bar was pretty nice, but not as nice as the free Bison Grass Vodka that was being sucked down. Gallery Bar has an open floor plan, with side benches in the front which opens to some seating in the back on the right side. Their schtick is that they are a gallery by day, and another lame-ass club lounge/bar by night. Accordingly their were a bunch of fists hanging out in there...

However, it could be a good option for all you local artists that like to do the showing and the drinking.

Posted by admin at 06:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I want everyone to know that the MTA was actually very helpful to me today. In the Ever Ongoing Metropolitan Transportation Authority Battle that Every New Yorker has to Endure, today, I won!

How? This morning, at 9:23am, I noticed that the Uptown F platform at Delancey seemed really empty. Not the typical 500 or so people waiting for the ever-late F Train from Brooklyn. Assuming the worst, I waited patiently. Suddenly the C Train appeared.

Exactly what I needed, because I was going to transfer to the C at West 4th anyway! Yaaaaaaay!

Posted by admin at 07:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Hi. I've been a big fan of Chicago-based, Brooklyn-transplanted designer/illustrator Matt Cassity for years. He's great!

In collaboration Sam Spratlin, Matt has released a publication called The Artist's Guide.

And the best part is that it's only $16, and you can order it online through their site.

Posted by admin at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I hate The Interweb, which tells us it's news worthy that the "creator" of this somewhat ok video has been named. And, bro was fired resigned from his job. How fucking lame.

So just so everyone knows, you can't have your own opinion if you want to work for the company with the snappy name of Blue State Digital. Yawn.

Posted by admin at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I guess it's circus time in the city, hence the Ringling Bros. posters in the subway. Is t just me, or is the circus sorta infuriating terrifing?

I remember going to the circus at Medinah Temple back in the day.

I also remember that was my first time seeing someone drunk (or possibly on Angel Dust ). As we were walking to the show from the parking lot, there was this dude wearing a suit while rolling around on the side walk and clutching at the air. It was during the day. I asked my mom what was wrong with him, and she replied "He's drunk, don't look at him..." We hurried into The Greatest Show On Earth.

Meanwhile, who is this champ? Bello? He looks like a gay(er), white Kid N' Play to me:

Is this what kids are into these days? Does it really cost $150/ticket for good seats to the circus? And, are the animals proud or pissed to be a part of it all? Is PETA cool? So many questions.

Either way, Bello and his little horse and pony show is the last thing I want screaming for my attention on the way to/from work everyday.

Posted by admin at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Obviously all the anti-war protesting we did years ago worked, as seen by this extra-sad kick-off pic from the 2004 RNC Convention Protests in NYC.

Oh wait, it didn't...

...and our protestors aren't even that hot.
US Lesbian Protestor(s):

Brazilian (possibly, hopefully) Lesbian Protestor:

Posted by admin at 06:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by admin at 08:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Ireland is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Shouts out to my 2nd and 3rd Irish cousins, featured above.

More pics of Ireland after the jump...

Posted by admin at 07:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's hip to hate on Vice Magazine, although everyone reads it whenever they get the chance. My friend just turned me on to their latest endeavor, vbs.tv.

After acclaimating to their site, I stumbled across their Heavy Metal in Iraq 5 part series. It's absolutely fascinating.

Many of us that care to pay attention, think we are so smart, and that we can sift through the US media to glean a real picture of what's going on over there. But Vice's foray into Irag (literally) paints a much different picture. Of special mention is an "accidental" interview with their main security guard, who was a teacher in another life. Wow.

Posted by admin at 09:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello. I have been working on a project to take over the universe with some friends. But don't take my word for it, read on:

(From the Desk of Tyler Malin)
Hello Friends and Family,

As many of you know my partners Eric Szmanda, Barry McLaughlin and I have been working on a daily Internet Variety show called SecretFunTime.

Our website launched yesterday (March 12) and I would like to invite you all to check it out and give us some feedback during this beta stage of the launch. Our goal is really to have fun, produce light-hearted comedy content, and act as a launching pad for talented comedy producers across the country. This week we are featuring content from some amazing content producers including:

Trophy Dad

Day By Day

Rhett and Link

Barry Holiday

Many of you have been helpful in assisting in this process, we could not have attempted such a crazy feat without the help of our amazingly talented friends, Bob Davies (ahem...) who did our motion graphics and designed our broadcast package and overall aesthetic and art direction, Chad Brisky helped design logos for our sketches, Chris Matule produced our intro track, and so many of our friends acted in or helped produce these skits (you know who you are) and we thank you ALL!!

Hopefully you enjoy the content. Please tell your friends, the Internet is all about viral marketing and that starts with you. You can also add us on Bebo, or MySpace, or YouTube,

Thanks for your help!

Tyler

Posted by admin at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Everyone knows that even after all these years, Nine Inch Nails is still banging like your slutty sister on prom night. So, imagine my excitement upon the announcement of a listening party for the forthcoming release, Year Zero, at The Knitting Factory yesterday.

It's been over a year since I was thrown out of Knitting Factory, so I figured it would be safe for me to go back. Also, I expected to be able to grab a beer, listen to the album through some nice sound, and then be on my way.

But, of course that would have been to easy, and not very New York-like. I didn't even have to dismount my bike to see the line out the door and down the block. In both directions.

I should have known not to waste my time, even before I saw the girl with the striped stockings (what fucking year is this?) and AFI silkscreened purse.

So I kept rollin on my bike and went home. Thanks, Trent. If you give a shit about his new material, you can hear it here.

Posted by admin at 09:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Before I had TV or Cable, and whilst my parents were staying with me, I was forced to watch Rachel Ray on ABC. I can tell immediately that she deserves a beating. I had put it out of my mind, but unfortunately my attention has once again been diverted to her and her fisty show.

According to Chicagoist, Ray is having a Chicago vs. New York Style Pizza-off. The link brings you to a landing page where you can choose your alliance, then vote for your city's best pie. Of course, the best Chicago pizza place is not even listed on Ray's fruity site. Everyone knows it's My Pie (shown like "Pi" the math symbol.)

So far, I believe Chicago's pizza to be superior. Although, truth be told, I haven't visited half of the NYC restaurants Ray lists on her site. Discuss.

Posted by admin at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello. The group show that I was proud to be a part of took place last Saturday. It was a blast.

Thanks to my friends that kept it real and came out. It seems like they were rewarded with Good Times. To everyone else: No, I will not be making individual "Hey man, come to my show..." calls. Pay attention, or the world passes you by, and the door does, in fact, hit you on the ass as you go.

Both bands, Dear Tonite and the AKA's were good. I recommend seeing The AKA's live if you like new school pop-punk.

More pics of the show, and The AKA's after the jump...

My piece was titled: C.A.A.C.O.S.S. (Commuters Against Assholes on Cellphones On Subway Stairs) Protest Sign v1. Check it out below:

Posted by admin at 06:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello. Just a reminder that I will being showing a piece for this group show.

The show (which is more of a concert than an art show, I think) has a $7 admission. It is at the Williamsburg White Room at the corner of S. 3rd and Roebling (235 Roebling to be exact).

The show starts at 8PM.

Posted by admin at 11:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I just got back to my desk from hours of mind-dumbing meetings, and what do I have in my inbox? Yet another special penis ad. This time, the angle is on having a bulbous dog-end penis. Thanks, Lotus and "Maryjo Wendt"!

Posted by admin at 08:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Yesterday marked the end of my first experience with The Master Cleanse. I made it 1 week. I am slowly weening back to eating, by drinking juice first, then soup, etc. I am alive.

Full review after the jump...

What is this?

The Master Cleanse is a hippie detox/fast thing. Here's how it works. You don't eat anything. Also, you don't drink, smoke (of any kind), no coffee, medications, etc. To Survive, you drink at least 60oz. of a concoction consisting of lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. As you drink this "Lemonade" drink, you also drink lots of water. At night, you drink an herbal laxative. In the morning, you drink The Saltwater Flush, 30oz. of water with 2 tsp. of sea salt. Yes, it's gross.

Oh yeah, you do it for 10 days straight.

Where is this from?

Appearantly Stanley Burroughs, Stanley Burroughs, you know, Stanley Burroughs?!?! Although Peter Glickman ripped it off to sell a book about it.

Does it rock or suck?

It depends on you. I found the first 3 days to be very difficult, because you are super hungry. Also, the Salt Water Flush is disgusting. I found myself being super fisty the first 3 days, especially when paired with my girlfriend, who was also doing the Cleanse.

After that, however, you sorta get used to it. It's true that you have alot energy. I noticed this mostly in the moring, as I was able to get up and be clear and awake in minutes, especially with no coffee.

I also noticed that my thought focus varried considerably during the Cleanse. I had to work the whole time, and the project(s) I was working on were complicated. Sometimes I was dead on; other times, I was sorta a dumbass (most notably later in the day.) All of this energy vanishes around 8pm, however, when you really start longing for food.

Should I do it?

Probably not.

Summary:

I was glad I did it, mostly just to see if I could do it. I felt proud. I saved money. And according to the scale, I lost about 10lbs.

It is a pain in the ass though, Literally. One morning, after the Salt Water Flush, I was racing to get to work. I didn't make sure that the flush had flushed all the way. I was all suited up and ready to, and while standing in my hallway, locking my apartment door, I had to fart.

So I did, and shit-blasted my pants. I had one of those moments where you're like, "Oh Jesus, was that just a wet fart, or did I just shit my pants like a little baby?!?!" Unfortunately it was the latter, so I had to go back inside and take care of it.

So that was a bummer. More importantly, I question the detox aspect of it. I think for meat eaters, it will definately clear your colon. But for healthy vegetarians, I think not so much. Also, I don't believe that it clears out other toxins that aren't in your digestive tract, like if you're a smoker, or if you like drugs.

I may do it again, I may not. So there.

Posted by admin at 04:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Often, I work onsite in the advertising industry. This means I have to work within the agency's walls and use their shitty email client, which inevitably is Lotus. Oh, how I hate Lotus. Lotus, I shake my fist at thee.

Anyway, one of the many, many shitty things about Lotus is it's smothering security features. It filters out everything and anything, then gives you an annoying day by day quarentine summary of everything it snatches.

But not this gem:

Somehow this snuck past Lotus' mighty grip. What the fuck is with the unsettling illustration? Am I supposed to relate to it?

Do I want to go to "themanxl.com" so I can be a cheesy dickface? Do I want the American Flag tied around my nuts? Couldn't I find a better pair of sunglasses? What's with my hair? What the hell is with the climate map of the US blurred out behind me? Am I to be impressed that this company has been in business for 10 years?

So many questions. Thank you "Paul" for thinking of me at my work, and sending me this piss poor, and considerably infuriating jpeg advertisment.

Posted by admin at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm not a fan of Hillary Clinton, and I will vote for Obama. I think she was sort of a cool first lady, until she became Bill's bitch.

More recently, I think it sucks that she campaigned and won the Congressional New York Elections — only to announce her run for president shortly after. New York government, state and city, is a huge job. How can you do it while constantly campaigning for a presidential election almost 2 years away? Ass.

Also, she's from Park Ridge and a lying, filthy Cubs fan. Then, she moved to New York and then fronted, claiming to be a Yanekees fan.

First, for those who don't know, Park Ridge is a rich, lame northwestern suburb of Chicago. It even has it's own gay-ass site. Notice how upitty Park Ridge uses the ".us" domain instead of ".com" like everyone else. Mark Farina is from there, as is Harrison Ford. I worked my first minimum wage job there, at Thompson's Finer Foods, as a bagger. Now, Thompson's is a Walgreens. Lame and lamer.

Posted by admin at 07:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night, I took my girl to see the Knicks. They sorta suck, but so does my favorite team, that can never seem to get it together.

The Knicks played sloppy-as-hell basketball all game, till Malik Rose pulled it together in the last half. Who knew he was still playing? Starbury carried the team, but faked it when it counted. The Garden is a good time, and the super extra bonus was seeing Ray Allen play.

The End.

Posted by admin at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I started the Master Cleanse last Thursday, March 1st. And, I'm still on it, meaning I haven't eaten anything since last Thursday. It's a bitch. I was really hungry the first 3 days, but now not so much. It's pretty boring, however. I will say that I feel good, and it's nice to take a break from inevitable drinking. As such, I feel less bloated.

I'm not sure if I'm going to do the full 10 days, I'm thinking of just going until this Thursday. We'll see.

Posted by admin at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I was walking out to grab some lunch yesterday, when I was suddenly assaulted by this gem. Umm, what the fuck? As you can see by my Super High Resolution Photography that I've posted, it's a Mini Cooper ad/billboard. It is installed at 49th and 7th, and as such I'm sure it cost more than the GNP of many small nations.

There's a parachuter and a Mini both "stuck" (ha ha...) on the billboard itself, which reads; "Traveling at the speed of awesome." (Yuck yuck, wink wink...) Then, there is a seemingly random quote; "Incredibly Mini", slapped in a standard yellow bar above another section of the billboard. This quote is called a testimonial in the business... (Yaaaay!)

...oh wait, I was getting all ramped up to hate on this ad, when I realized that the wrap-around text reads; "Hammer & Coop", and there's a link. It's like a movie billboard in the theatre district, but it actually "drives" you to a microsite.

Wow, I've changed my mind. Mini is cool. They've bit the old Bacardi & Lemon billboards, the VW "Test Drive" web campaign, Knightrider, The Beastie Boys "Sabotage" Video, Starsky and Hutch (Ben Stiller version), and maybe even The Hebrew Hammer. Nice job.

Do you now see the power of advertising?

Posted by admin at 05:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)