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Last year, we went to Thailand in early February. This year, we couldn't get our shit together until April, so the plans were made to be in Thailand from April 12-27.

Little did we know that:

1) April is the hottest month in Thailand, with daily temps in the upper 90's and humidity above 85-90% daily, with very little breeze. Even the Thais were sweating.

2) We were arriving and staying in Bangkok during Songkran, which is a combination of Water Festival, April Fools Day and New Year's Eve.

Basically, the whole country wilds for anywhere from 3 days to one week straight. Many Thais in Bangkok travel back to their home towns to rage it up, while considerable others flock to the big city (about 9 million people).

And it's no joke. Thais are everywhere with buckets of water, supersoakers, hoses, etc. just waiting to drench your ass. Especially tall white foreigners. Aside from water, Thais sell little white cones of baby powder-like chalk that they mix together with water in small bowls. They smear this paste on your cheeks when you stumble by. Crews of Thais ride around in the backs of pickup trucks with barrels of water doing drive-bys. Little kids hide behind cars, then suddenly bust out and chase you down for the soaking...

...of course there are a billion Buddahist symbolisms involved with this ritual. The main idea is that the water washes away bad luck and the trouble of the past year, so you can start again afresh.

But mainly, it's just a massive raging party. These pics are taken during the day in an area called Silom. But we were also there at night, holed up in front of a club on Soi 4 (4th Street), where there was about 1000 times more people super, super wilding in the streets. Clubs had their sound systems turned outward, and there was a constant flow of water at about head-level. Everyone was fucked up. It was literally impossible to stay dry, and as such, I had my camera in a dry pack and didn't dare to take it out. Unfortunately I missed some great pics because of that.

This was at about 1pm or so. Thais are ramping up...

The above 2 shots were taken from the safety of a Thai-run Irish bar.

Look at this chief (above) scouting around for Farang to soak. Motorvehicle safety gets no love during Songkran.

Posted by admin at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's tough being back.

Aside from surprisingly severe jetlag, I've been undergoing considerable reverse culture shock. On the one hand, I was homesick for the sanity that is NYC; on the other hand it was heartbreaking to leave such a truly fascinating and beautiful country.

The next assload of entries will most likely be about Thailand, and I'll try to accompany them with cool photos of which I took over 1000.

(Oh yeah, that's my boy Taku next to Ronald McThailand. I've traveled with him (Taku, that is) several times and we make a good traveling team. We basically talk mad shit the whole time. He's Japanese, but has been in the states for about 12 or 13 years.

Also, he likes to party too, so it's funny when he's drunk to try to get him to say; "Hello, Laura, would you like a Rolling Rock?"

Posted by admin at 02:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

...barely. Many, many stories to follow.

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This thing is called a Tuk-Tuk, or "auto-rickshaw". They're all over the place in Bangkok. They have no seat-belts or doors, run off of compressed natural gas or something, and require that the drivers be unregulated, surly and insane. Discuss.

Posted by admin at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I wanted to take my parents to Lombardi's this weekend because it's supposed to be the shit. Of course when we showed up it was closed, closed for a private party, closed for a staff meeting, absolutely swarmed with people.

Honestly, half the city was waiting to get in there. I asked some fists that were standing around how long their wait was to which they replied, "They said an hour about 40 minutes ago."

I knew what had to be done, and while I was doing it, when one of the fists was like, "You should wait, it's totally worth it..." Hey fuckface, you should shut the fuck up because your advice is totally not worth it.

Anywho... I remembered passing this new place in my hood which, unfortunately for them, is completely hidden from traffic. Everyone knows: hard to find restaurant = no wait = Goodtimes.

I don't know what the hell this dude is talking about, but Gothamist has a competely uninspired review here. But they do have nice pictures, however.

Cronkite is a large and airy single room, with a bar holding it down on the end. The low lighting could inspire romance, if that's your goal. The deal is pizza and wine, and they break it down in 3 sections.

Basically there's an old-school section, a regional section, then a new-school section. Flip the menu and each section corresponds to suggested wine pairings. We orderd a Classic Margahrita pizza from the old-school section, then some sort of Spinach Pesto pizza from the new-school section.

The both pizzas were truly remarkable. Especially the Spinach one because they pile fresh Spinach on top like a salad, which is cool because I don't like the typical spinach-to-pizza application. We ordered an appetizer sampler which featured buffalo mozarella, middle-eastern inspired garbanzo bean salad, beets, and a eggplant bruschetta thingy. They have a cannoli dessert which comes with one black and one white cannoli. At the end they bring you cotton candy. How about that?

Best of all, the service was excellent and cool, although there was a large shard of broken glass in my mom's food. (She was fine.)

Cronkite has the best non-street pizza I've had in NYC, and they have a nice room to eat it in. They can easily handle large groups, if you want to have The Obligatory Pain-In-The-Ass Group Birthday Restaurant Party that all New Yorkers insist on.

I encourage you to extend the middle finger to Lombardi's and keep it realer with Cronkite.

Thank you.

Posted by admin at 06:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's totally time to get the fuck out of NYC. I'm done, son!

I leave this Thursday at 12pm. and arrive in Bangkok (tee-hee!) around 4pm. The same day! Somehow the journey defies time and space, converting a 17 hour direct flight into a 4 hour puddle-hop.

In celebration, I've thrown up a handful of pictures (with captions) from last years' Goodtimes.

Check out this chief. He rolls deep in Bangkok with a fucking baby elephant! This elephant wanted nothing more than to groupe and kill. Btw, did you know that elephants are fisty as hell, and often kill people by crushing them against a wall, after which they take a few steps away to look cute and innocent. Terrifing.

Feeling hungry? No worries, there's ample Bug Carts everywhere so you can grab a quick snack. Care for some grubs, locusts, mealworms, or small batter-fried frogs? Perhaps a black scorpion? No problem, we got 'em. I swear that Thais have these just to fuck with tourists.

(No caption necessary.)

Oh, hello there! You've caught me taking a life-preserverless boat to my bungalow, which is hidden in the jungle somewhere in southern Thailand. (At least this is what we believed at the time. Truth is we didn't really know what the hell was going on. We could have been rowed out to sea and sacrificed to Bo Krop Thong'ala, whom is the god of tourist rape.)

Thais aren't really into whiskey. Johnny Walker has taught them that they like straight scotch, either Red or Black. In fact, Johnny's marketing is so fierce that Thais order scotch as bottle service! No shit. Also, it's about 156 degrees with a zillion percent humidity. After I blacked out and fell into the sea on about the 3rd night of attempting to drink brown liquor, I learned that Screwdrivers are the way to go.

I found this dope old-school Casio Calculator Watch in Bangkok's Chinatown. I got it for my boy, who ended up not giving a shit, as I never have seen him wear it. Goes to show you what you get for being a good guy.

Fashion is a big deal in Thailand. When Thais aren't busy walking down the runway, they're kicking ass. They wisely encourage small children to fight as well. The match after this featured 2 six-year-olds. These fights were in a raw-ass arena on Koh Phangan in the middle of fuckhole. The bleachers were cut-in-half palm trees, and you could drink beer and eat jelly donuts (wtf?). There was no back stage area, so dudes are working out and getting ready right next to the ring. Also, there's all sorts of shady shit going on everywhere. It's great.

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One of my million readers sent this picture to my myspace page, but then hated on this blog. Perhaps she he is stoned confused. See, this is my blog. That, is myspace.

She he should have said, "*this is what i think of your myspace!" seeing as the comment was left on myspace, and not my blog.

Further, the "!" seems to convey excitement and joy, rather than hate. Also, what's with the rogue "*"? In the English Language, when there is one "*", there should be another "*" somewhere in the passage. This creates what is known as a footnote. As in:

Hey, I think your myspace (and blog) are totally rad!*

(then further down in the entry...)

*And when I said "totally rad", I mean TOTALLY RAD like Chloe Sevigny in Sonic Youth's Sugar Cane video.

Posted by admin at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The saddest thing about Rock 'n Roll Fantasy Camp is having to figure out who to feel the most sorry for.

Is it the washed up rock stars, for whom this is the final curtain call? Or perhaps it's all the middle aged male CEO's that are sure to be in attendance? Maybe even the hapless porn surfer, who stumbles upon this url only to be assaulted by it's design?

I believe it's all the children of these dads that are willing to shell out $8k to "rock".

Kid to mom: "Mom, is dad coming to my soccer game?"

Mom to kid: "Well, no, daddy's playing with Bret Michaels from Poison..."

Posted by admin at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Special Operative, Sr. Poopy-pants has made me aware of a great site dedicated to old-skool jungle. Wow! You have to register, but BFD. Someone with a ton of freetime has been encoding old mix tapes and has made them available for download streaming.

Dude must be centered in Chicago because there seems to be alot Chicago Jungalists in the mix. Man, I miss those old Ripe parties. (Sniff)

Posted by admin at 05:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Special Agent HBKR sent me this terrifing fascinating glimpse into the harmony of man and nature.

A coyote suddenly busted into a downtown Chicago Quizno's, and then hopped in the cooler. Click thru to click thru to ABC's award worthy video, complete with hilarious local testimoial. Notice how fisty that coyote looks — he obviously knows something we don't and totally isn't willing to share.

The story ends sadly, however, as Ole' Fisty is sentenced to a slow, joyless and boring death as only the rich know released into Barrington, home of drive-way free/shooting spree fast food chains. Oh wait, that was Palatine.

Posted by admin at 04:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've hyped her site before, but now it's been updated with more art. And ill products.

Supposedly she's having some more shows in Chicago soon, but who knows for sure... Info please.

Posted by admin at 11:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A smartass reader asked if I was the one who stole Sucko's gay wee bike, annoyingly named "Bitty Bike".

If I had, it would now be resting snuggly at the bottom of the East River.

Posted by admin at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

My man, Nudge doesn't want to advertise his show, despite repeat requests for info. So I'll drudge it up myself, using The World Wide Interweb. Also, he's still not a hippie anymore, ladies.

But if he were to put an announcement together, it would look something like this:

The Empty Bottle
1035 N. Western Ave.
Chciago

WED. 4/4/07 (10:00pm, $10)
Deerhunter
Nudge

You should go to this show.

Posted by admin at 03:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Last Saturday, we played poker. It was Goodtimes. We started around 9pm and played till 8am the next morning, with only The Desire to Win and coffee to keep up going.

I was killing everyone with 6's, just like Satan. I won about $300 (I think), and didn't fall off my bike riding over the bridge on the way home...

Isn't this the best post ever?

Posted by admin at 09:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)