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My man taught me how to bet on horses the other day. I find it slightly more fun than striking a match and holding it up to your cash.

Win, lose or draw — it's all made more enjoyable with The Drinking. To this end, there is a shady Irish bar and OTB called Playwright. It is located in the Satan's Bunghole neighborhood of NYC otherwise known as Herald Square. The Playwright has a bar and dining room (with bar), on the main floor. In the basement there are pool tables. On the second floor is another dining room (with bar). This is the floor with the OTB machines and OTB window complete with real live people behind it. If you want to learn more about NYC OTB, you can check out their expertly crafted and concisely executed site here.

There are lots of ways to bet:

Win
This type of horse bet is simply picking a horse to win the race. This is one of the most types of horse racing bets. If your horse finishes the race in first place, you win the bet.

Place
This is type of horse bet is on which horse will come in second place in the race. You win your bet if your selected horse finishes either second or first in the race.

Show
Betting to show is picking a horse to win third place in the race. If your horse finishes third, second or first in the race, you win your bet.

Across the Board (Win, Place & Show)
One of the most popular types of horse betting wagers is to bet across the board. This type of horse bet allows you to select one horse to come in either first, second or third in the race. This is basically three bets in one. For example: you bet $2 across the board. In effect, you have wagered $2 to win, $2 to place and $2 to show. You win if your selected horse comes in first, second or third place.

Exacta
This betting type allows you to bet on two horses that must come in first and second place in the race in that specific order. For example: you bet $4 that number 3 and number 7 will come in first and second place in that exact order. The only way you win this bet is if number 3 finishes first and number 7 finishes second.

Exacta Box
This bet is the same type as an Exacta bet in the fact that you select two horses to come in first and second place. However, an exacta box bet means that there is no specific order to the placement of the horses. For example: you place a $3 exacta box bet on number 5 and number 6. This is a total bet of $6 because there are two possible outcomes. You win your bet if number 5 wins first and number 6 wins second or vice versa.

Quinella
You bet on two horses coming in first and second place in the race. It does not matter which of your horses wins first or second. The order does not affect the bet. You win if both your horses place in the top two positions.

Trifecta
Trifecta betting allows you to pick three horses to come in first, second and third place in that exact order. In trifecta betting you win your bet if all three of your horses finish the race in the order you have specified.

Trifecta Box
This type of horse bet is the same as trifecta betting in that you are betting on three horses to come in first, second and third place. However, a Trifecta Box bet means that your three horses can finish the race in any order. They only need to place in the top three positions for you to win in trifecta betting. This bet is basically 6 bets in one. For example: you place a $2 trifecta box bet on number 2, number 4 and number 7. There are six possible outcomes for these three horses to finish in first to third place; therefore, the total amount of the bet is $12 as you are betting trifectas. You win your bet if horse number 2, number 4 and number 7 finish in first, second and third place in any order in trifecta betting.

Superfecta
Superfecta wagering is where you pick four horses to come in first, second, third and fourth place in that exact order. You win if all four of your horses finish the race in the order you have specified in superfecta betting.

Superfecta Box
This type of bet is the same as superfecta wagering in that you are betting on four horses coming in first, second, third and fourth place. However, a Superfecta Box bet means that your four horses can finish the race in any order. They only need to place in the top four positions for you to win. This bet is basically 8 bets in one. For example: you place a $2 superfecta box bet on number 2, number 4 , number 7 and number 9. There are 24 possible outcomes for these four horses to finish in first to fourth place; therefore, the total amount of the bet is $48 in this superfecta wagering example. You win your bet if horse number 2, number 4, number 7 and number 9 finish in first, second, third and fourth place in any order.

Daily Double
An interesting and fun type of horse racing bet is betting a Daily Double. This is where you bet on the winners of two consecutive races. You win the bet only if both your horses win their specific race. Typically daily double bets are only available on the first two races of the day and the last two races of the day as a type of horse bet.

Pick 3
Bet on the winners of three consecutive races. Each of your horses must win their specific race in order for you to win that bet horseracing type of wager.

I was taught that the best way is to place "Exacta Box" bets, for say, $1. With an Exacta bet you choose 3 horses, and you win if any of these horses place first and second. This type of bet actually costs $6 because you are betting on each combination of horses. It doesn't matter which horses win, or which of the two winners place first or second.

What does matter, of course, are the odds. Horses with shitty odds that win pay much more than horses with "good" odds. For example, a horse with 8/1 or 35/1 odds will pay higher than a horse with 1/1 or even 5/2 odds.

While placing bets, I wished I knew how to pick 'em, like Robert De Niro at the end of Casino. Instead, I sucked and lost every time.

Posted by admin at 08:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

At $65, tickets were steep, but I figured it was worth it. I had never seen the Beasties when I was a kid, despite having Check Your Head on constant rotation during puberty. Moreover, I was curious to hit a show at McCarren, because due to some slip up The Yeahs were not scheduled to play that week.

The show rocked. The venue sucked.

McCarren Park Pool is easy enough to get to. After the L rolls you to Bedford in Williamsburg, you can feel all fancy and hip as you stroll up to the park. If taking the timely L train has left you thristy, you can stop at Rosemary's Greenpoint Tavern and buy a 160oz Styrofoam cup of shwag beer. The Styrofoam actually conducts heat from your palm and the overcrowded bar acting as a convection mechanism inside the cup. About 30 seconds after your first sip, your PBR is well on it's way toward cooking perfection. This phenomenon has the added bonus of acting as a sterilization method — although hardly necessary given the white glove cleanliness of the bar.

But I digress...

After drinking at the well-stocked, and slightly less annoying Mug's Ale House (whose food looked pretty good too), we were ready to rock.

Doors were at 5:30pm and the show was promised to begin at 7:00pm sharp.

Arriving at the pool entrance around 7:45pm, we were greeted by a massive line extending to the left of the door down the block. Although this line was a few hundred deep, some scouting revealed absolutely no line to the right. You'd think that the fully competent McCarren staff would take a more active roll in corralling traffic, but they were busy confiscating sealed bottle water and umbrellas. Quite kind of them, seeing as it was threatening rain all day. I guess we all should have known umbrellas weren't allowed, as it's listed on McCarren's cutting edge website. Oh wait, it's not.

So we made it in, relieved that the show did not start on time as promised.

McCarren is truly massive. The bulk of the audience stands in the drained pool, facing an erected stage along the far side. You can also stand around edge of the pool. There are local vendors selling hot dogs or perogies or some shit. Also, your only choice of beverage is foul-tasting Brooklyn Brewery beer. In a stroke of genius, the beer-serving process was devised as follows:

1) Be sure to understaff completely incapable servers.

2) Make a ticket system which forces patrons to wait in one massive, non-moving line for ID check and beer ticket purchase. (See #1.)

3) Make a serving system that forces patrons to wait in another massive, non-moving line for beer serving. (See #1.)

4) Be sure to completely mis-stock enough beer for a sold out show of thousands on a warm and humid summer night, ie. ensure that the beer supply will prematurely run out. After all, it would be impossible to assess the situation during the show and send a truck back to the brewery for more kegs, since both the show and the brewery are located in Brooklyn. (See #1.)

Then the show started. I was impressed by the excellent and loud sound. Proving they're still alive, The Beasties played a full 2-hour set which spanned their whole career. I was especially tickled to hear Heart Attack Man (which is funny) and Lighten Up (with it's killer percussion). With fewer and fewer reasons to undergo the hassle of making it out for live music these days, the Beastie Boys really delivered. They skillfully played every song "live" and with variation. In this sense the crowd was treated to a first-time, one-off to remember.

If you care, Modest Mouse and some other bands play there September 9th for the last show of the summer.

Posted by admin at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Lots of things are wrong with this video, least of which is the middle dude acting as the "meat" part of a Pug-dude-dude sandwich.

But what's really interesting is the fisty-faced Pug itself. I had never known their mysterious origin, but my Japanese friend told me that the reason their faces are pushed in is because during the war, Japanese soldiers went over to China and kicked in the face of every Pug. After years of inbreeding, the physiology stuck. This history seems questionable to me, although it must be true because the Japanese invented singing toilets and pizza.

(ElectricCulture)

Posted by admin at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

On the one hand, I look alot younger.
On the other, "Thas hair ees a spicey meatball..."

(Chillmost!)

Posted by admin at 09:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I was forced to go to Virgin the other day.

I know.

But I had to reclaim a birthday gift card from my girl's very generous parents.

Worse, I'm currently working dangerously close to Times Square — my hand was forced. I had no choice but to brave throngs of Teva-clad, gawk-eyed tourists looking up and taking pictures of LED billboards. That's right, forced. Forced I say, to shop at Virgin Megastore Times Square at 46th and Broadway.

Foraging through legions of random shit like "Dave" totes and Freddie Mercury action figures, I finally found the anemic music section. Obviously I was searching for Ride's "Nowhere" to no avail. Can someone tell me why there is a dedicated section to Right Said Fred and The Soup Dragons and jack shit for a brilliant band like Ride?

And to the asshole cashier that didn't return my "hello" because he was too busy singing along with Chris Cornell over the PA — I don't care if you "love Ghosts Of The Great Highway" and I care even less if you wish "he would put out another one." You're about one notch above a RadioShack clerk or DMV teller, so shut the fuck up and be quick about getting me on my way out of this fucking store.

Posted by admin at 08:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

(UPDATE *** Gayass YouTube pulled the vid. Yaaaaay!)

...Please let me know if you've found the weekend I've just lost. Meanwhile, today is yet another happy Monday so we can all start drawing dicks again for The Man...

Enjoy.

Posted by admin at 02:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I think we all can agree that these viral, indy webisode sites, like meh, and meh are all getting a little too smug. A little refresque también para la escuela, if you catch my drift. (Except, of course, SecretFunTime which is the most bitching of bitches.)

But with Bob Odenkirk at the helm, you're bound to hit comedy gold. I'm a big fan of Derek & Simon, and while I was catching up on that shiz, I found this Comedy By the Numbers thingy. Nice one, Bob Odenkirk.

Viral. Blog. UGC.

Viral.

Posted by admin at 07:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As much as I love NYC and the LES, this is the Gayest Thing That Was Ever Gay.

We rolled by this eyesore last week, and it looked like American Apparel was doing some sort of event thingy. Across from the idiot bench, I noticed there was a mini-ice cream truck/mini-boutique that you could go in and buy scrunchies or jelly bracelets or something.

How can you avoid this embarrassing eyesore? Simply walk in the street between 1st ave and Allen, and don't buy shitty American Apparel shrinky-dinks.

Although, who is actually to blame here? Who should take responsibility for this rigamorole? Perhaps the "Hypesters" themselves? I wish the Gothamist writers were actually the Chicagoist writers. The Chicagoist writers aren't afraid to have a voice with an edge. The Gothamist writers, however, are boringly neutral and sing song with their offerings. But hey, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

Posted by admin at 04:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Everyone knows the Xbox 360 is the bee's knees. Well, at least the estimated 66% that haven't had their console fall to the Red Rings of Death.

Me? I am one of the estimated 33% of lucky Microsoft customers who had their system checkerboard freeze a few times (while the thermal glue holding the chips in place was cooking up all nice-like) then go black. Suddenly, the 4 normally soothing LEDs, underwent a nasty, evil mutation into 3 flashing red LEDs. My console was dead.

But wait! The best part is that I got to call India customer service and speak wih an completely incompetent entirely competent lackey representative. After the 20 minutes it took to explain my situation, we got to chat for an extra 15 minutes while I spelled my name and address to exhaustion. And, for shits and grins, I decided to throw my man a curve by having him send the mailing box to another location, and not my home. Yes, I live on the edge.

About a week later, the mailing box did make it to my alternate address, although it was addressed to "Robert Gavies" and it was not c/o the person I designated. Ecstatic, I looked forward to yet another 30 minute call to Pakistan customer service to explain the error, and confirm that my unit will be returned properly.

GoodTimes for me.

Posted by admin at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm not sure if Germans should be allowed to fist about on "aeroballons", but this is how they do. Does this look like fun to you? I'll bet it does. Do you want to see a film, in which a man loves a woman from behind? I'll bet you do, you filthy swine...

Posted by admin at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The trains are fistier than ever. Fortunately there'll be a fare hike soon. Meanwhile, the latest SubTalk campaign has been saving lives and thwarting The Terrorists during America's Greatest Time of Need.

(Thanx Chillmost!)

Posted by admin at 09:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A couple weeks ago, we hopped over the bridge and rolled out to Jones Beach in my man's restored '63 Impala. And, unlike our "Loose Nuts" incident the summer prior, we arrived unscathed.

Jones is a huge island-like beach southwest of Long Island. Oh look, here's a little club for you to join. Actually, it's a state park, so it'll cost you $8 to enjoy. The island is broken up into 5 or 6 lots, which correspond to beaches. The water is cold and choppy year round, with 3-4 foot waves breaking right on the shore.

Jones is also cleaner tho father from the city than nearby Riis, in that I haven't swam with discarded bandages at Jones. It's a much larger beach than Riis, so it seems to always be able to handle the masses. Of interest is the queerly named Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater Nikon at Jones Beach Theater which is on the other side of the parking lots down around beach 5.

As fun as the beach is, so too is the fully restored (and safe) Impala... More images of the ride after the jump...

The ride out to the beach...

The ride as it was getting restored...

Disclaimer: My girl thinks my man brings "sexy back", so here you go:

Posted by admin at 08:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Me and my man were excited to hit up one of the the last Yanks-Sox series of 2007. My man found tix on the InterWeb — decent seats no less. And what were we treated to? A series fucking pummeling, that's what.

Way to hold down the rear of the AL Central, Chicago. Until next year.

My man looks on in disbelief. 16-3 loss. Sheesh.

At least there was the drinking and the peanuts...

Posted by admin at 08:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I use the word "fisty" often. In fact, I've tried to enter it into quality tome, The Urban Dictionary.

I guess the request was canceled before it was even reviewed. Perhaps it's too real for everyone, or perhaps it's because I can put together a sentence reasonably well. Perhaps it's just how The Urban Dictionary Does it.

For the record, here's the definition of the word fisty:

Fisty

Adjective, Adverb. 1) Of the condition of "having a face like a fist" in that it should be beaten severely. 2) Shitty or Dickish. Uncool. 3) Actions or behavior that is/are questionable, untoward, or even reprehensible. 4) Similar to the pornographic act of "fisting" another.

Noun: Fist, Fister, Fisty, or Fisto.

Usage: "Hey man, is it me, or was that dude being fisty?"

"Whatup, Fist?"

Posted by admin at 09:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

"Chocolate Rain: Raise your neighborhood insurance rates." Death. But of course, thanks to YouTube, dude is famoused...

More death after the jump...

According to Zonday, the lyrics of Chocolate Rain are about racisim. It's called Qualitism, ie. having a prejudice against good quality music. Just ask fellow qualitist John Mayer, whose stellar repertoire includes a cover of Chocolate Rain...

Posted by admin at 09:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

...I've been workin overtime like a Thai ladyboy in a sea full of dicks.

But I have found the time to announce another Phoebe Fisher art show, if you live in The City By The Lake, that is.

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