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I know.

But I had to reclaim a birthday gift card from my girl's very generous parents.

Worse, I'm currently working dangerously close to Times Square — my hand was forced. I had no choice but to brave throngs of Teva-clad, gawk-eyed tourists looking up and taking pictures of LED billboards. That's right, forced. Forced I say, to shop at Virgin Megastore Times Square at 46th and Broadway.

Foraging through legions of random shit like "Dave" totes and Freddie Mercury action figures, I finally found the anemic music section. Obviously I was searching for Ride's "Nowhere" to no avail. Can someone tell me why there is a dedicated section to Right Said Fred and The Soup Dragons and jack shit for a brilliant band like Ride?

And to the asshole cashier that didn't return my "hello" because he was too busy singing along with Chris Cornell over the PA — I don't care if you "love Ghosts Of The Great Highway" and I care even less if you wish "he would put out another one." You're about one notch above a RadioShack clerk or DMV teller, so shut the fuck up and be quick about getting me on my way out of this fucking store.