My Birthday was about 7 months ago. But it took that long to post what may have been the greatest gift of all time, and I wanted to share it with you.
This gift was from my lady, who is the best girl ever. She curated, designed, and constructed this herself. The content was polled from my closest friends.
It's called "The Hatebook". The question: What does Bob hate?
(Buckle-up for the wild ride, after the jump...)
The book itself was handmade and handbound. The cover was matteblack, with a window cut out of it to reveal the word, "Hate". It came in a black box.
We had a small drinkfest party at The Whiskey Ward, aka The Best Bar in NYC.
Me and my lady.
It seems like everyone is always having some sort of birthday. I wish we could all agree on a national "Birthday" holiday. In this way, we could knock 'em all out at once.
This is hard to explain. It's basically a "bear" coinbank that I had as a little kid. It scared the shit out of me at night, ala the movie "Magic."
The only good cat is a dead cat.
This is hard to read, but it says, "Talking On The Phone," which I hate. If you have to talk to me on the phone, make it quick and concise, please.
Hating cats is a no-brainer. There were like 5 of these in the book. This one stands out because of it's terrifying and psychedelic design. Note the expression on my face.
Me and my man, who is himself an accomplished hater.
This is perhaps the most stunningly creative submission in the book. My boy must have had an angel whispering in his ear as he wrote this. Brilliant.
The Spurs are a whole team of cock-suckers, with the exception of Ginobili, who is still sort of a cock-sucker.
My man from way back decided to visit me and live on my couch for a month. What a guy!
Here's that goddamn bear again. Note the evil in his eyes.
There is no one more loathsome than Lisa Loeb, except may be Rosie O'Donnell. Loeb is credited as the foundress of "Bitch-Rock" which plagued the airwaves throughout the 90's. Remember the remake of "The Omen", when the photographer meets his demonic beheading in that small European village? I would like a similar fate for Loeb, except I would like the swinging thing to be a huge Hello Kitty sign in front of the LA Sanrio store, instead of a iron balcony, or whatever it was...
This is the most well-designed entry, it is a glyph-chart whose subject line is "This font stolen on behalf of Bob (Last name)". Which is curious, because I don't steal fonts. But still...
My friends insist on having 2 Chihuahuas. And what do they do next? They buy a yellow lab. That's alot of dog. The dimmer of the 2 Chihuahuas is named "Fawn". Here it is dyed pink. I believe my question to the owners to be very valid. It is this; "Now that you have a better dog, can't you get rid of Fawn?" I went on to suggest putting Fawn on a small raft, placing it in the East River, then giving him a gentle nudge toward Europe.
This is a strange entry. My man is choking his girlfriend in an Avis Car Rental place. I think it's about me hating car rental places.
Duh.
I hate group dinners. Not because I am cheap, but because they are a massive pain in the ass.
Lotus Notes is the shittiest piece of shit that ever shitted. Yet, companies still insist on using it.
Oh, look, it's Rachel Ray. She's like Lisa Loeb, but with food.
I get harassed because I take "romantic" trips with my man. Places like the beaches of Thailand or Costa Rica. I admit it's kinda gay, but the fact is, he's not an asshole, and he knows how to hang. This visionary picture shows me with my girl and friends, but with a thought bubble with my man in it above my head. Pretty goddamn funny, actually. Nice one, guys.
Thank you!
