PowderBlueOrbit

It's a real shame that most people are so conservative at weddings. Tuxes, white dresses, limos, etc... It would be nice if once, just once a wedding party really let their hair down, you know, really let loose...

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My English friend claims that Bulldogs are, "A rubbish dog...", while my Japanese friend claims that, "Pug was created when Japanese soldiers went to China and kicked in every face..."

I don't know, I think they're kinda cute.

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This in from my girl... Wow!

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Usually when three guys stand around in a circle facing each other, gesturing crotch-level with their hands, it's the stuff of fancy for the likes of Army of Lovers. I mean, I don't really know for sure, but I that's what I heard, I'm just saying... But these guys are asian and playing iPong or something, so I guess it's ok. Wait...

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I've been tuning out democratic politics lately due to rage accumulation, but my man hasn't. He so smart! Writing for the Chicago Tribune and shit... All kidding aside, this is an excellent article. Nice work!

Regardless, here is what is going to happen:

1) Obama will "blow it" somehow.
2) Hillifist will somehow "get the nomination".
3) McCain will somehow "win".

Thank you.

Posted by admin at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Like most kids, this 16-year-old probably deserves a beating. On the one hand, it's pretty impressive to build a bike entirely out of wood. On the other hand, it's about the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard of. Why not build a skateboard out of ice, or a canoe out of butter?

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Hey, remember this dick? Well somehow this brilliant ad slipped under the radar, at least for me. But now, I will share it with you.

I've been imagining various execution scenarios for Mr. Zonday, or "Tay", and I believe I've settled on one.That goes for you too, Advertising.

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Ever disturbed by the state of contemporary music, I will now explain why the mindbogglingly popular band Ghostland Observatory simultaneously sucks and blows ass.

Continue reading "Ghostland Observatory Sucks and Blows Ass." »

Posted by admin at 08:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (197) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes, when you’re really, really tired, it’s all magical and floaty. You encounter your world embrazen with an unfettered optimism. Everything isn’t as bad as it seems, and, in your mind’s eye, each upcoming day will outshine it’s predecessor.

But then other times, when you’re really, really tired, everything is just extra gay.

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Oh yeah, one more thing. My man sent this to me today causing my jaw to hit the floor. Daring? Yes. Stupid? Yep. Distrubing? You got it. But, familiar? Umm, yeah.

Thing is, this resembles a good NYC friend of mine. No, really. It TOTALLY resembles this person, and you know who you are...

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There's nothing I like more than hating. Except for hating on bad bands and or bad band names.

Prophetic yet again, The Onion serves up The Worst Band Names Of '07, which I consider a public service. Please wittle out some time to study this list (with comments and links) because it's nothing short of fabulous. Thank you, The Onion.

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I like funny things, no matter how small.

This printout was hung in one of the "copier rooms" at the agency I'm currently working for. It is a pretty unexciting snap of someone's dog jumping into a pond.

I was marveling at it's underwhelming appeal, when I noticed that a smartass had scribbled, "So?" at the bottom.

I find this funny.

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Advertising is so awesome. See?

Today, I am still drunk so bored that I'd like to unleash the Schiltz Malt Liquor Bull in the office. I feel that this would be interesting.

Posted by admin at 05:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Onion ran this awhile back. It makes fun of Chicago's own R. Kelly, who sucks.

It's been living on my fridge forever, but was removed when my parents came to stay with me. They are huge R. Kelly fans, and I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. After all, one man's Amy Winehouse is another man's Kelly Clarkson...

I guess Alex Lukas made these awesome illustrations.

Posted by admin at 08:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been getting assloads of emails from my zillions of readers about the lack of PowderBlueOrbit posts.

Truth is, I've been growing my nut hair extra long in anticipation of you all sucking them.

Proceed.

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Today I felt like doing "Jack" and "Shit." But not at the same time, mind you, because that would require some sort of mystical energy that I currently do not possess.

So, given my current spongy mental state, I was struggling to waste time type IM's, but then something amazing happened. I used a word I know for certain that I've never used before. Which word? Lackadaisical. I was impressed that I even thought of it, moreso that I could use it in an IM. I tried very hard to spell it correctly. My attempt — "lacadaisical."

Continue reading ""lacadaisical" + WTF" »

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On the one hand, I look alot younger.
On the other, "Thas hair ees a spicey meatball..."

(Chillmost!)

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I was forced to go to Virgin the other day.

Continue reading "Remember a time when people wore stripes, but weren't pirates?" »

Posted by admin at 08:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

(UPDATE *** Gayass YouTube pulled the vid. Yaaaaay!)

...Please let me know if you've found the weekend I've just lost. Meanwhile, today is yet another happy Monday so we can all start drawing dicks again for The Man...

Enjoy.

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My beautiful girlfriend is on a mission to get you to chuck your Masterlock. Chuck it up.

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Was anyone else embarrassed for humanity from say, oh, about 7-10pm Eastern last night? If you were, I'll bet you were watching the Democratic Presidential Debate on CNN, in honor of Today Sucks Dick Day.

Whose fucking idea was it to have Anderson Cooper YouTube moderate the debate? What's next? Casting ballots in Second Life?

If those questioning douchebags post last night's debate on YouTube while a "YouTube video" was playing, will it spark a massive, runaway chain reaction of video feedback causing The WorldWide InterWeb to collapse upon itself and suck down all of reality with it? Please? Can someone try it? Maybe this "no style is off-limits" fuckface can do it.

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Today has unanimously been declared Today Sucks Dick Day by everyone living in the NYC area, and by considerable proponents from the rest of the US, world. "Why?" you ask? Here's the Top Ten reasons why today is Today Sucks Dick Day:

10) Region lulled into, "Is this great weather or what?" mood over the weekend, only to have it yanked away sometime between the weekend and now.

9) Rain. Make thatSideways Rain.

8) Lack of invention, availability of mythical "Ultrabrella" that doesn't instantly break when used, and does, in fact, keep users dry.

7) "Icky" wet denim blows, creates musty balls.

6) Unable to realize dream job of making stupid noises all day long (like the black guy from Police Academy) to the delight of overly-generous and easily amused employer, a legal Emma Watson.

5) Want to finally see Transfomers, yet unable to do so while keeping ass planted firmly on couch, loaded bowl and cocktail in hand.

4) Due to 94% humidity and #9 (listed above) hair looks worse than Screech's.

3) NYC weather doesn't have illiterate Steve Schill or confused Harry Volkman to laugh with at.

2) Unable to ride bike, must subject oneself to the subway.

1) As pointed out by a colleague, "Everyone's [shitty] attitude in here is reflecting what's going on outside..."

Posted by admin at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

On of my Special Secret Covert Operatives pointed out that the video from the previous post; "Chocolate Rain: Worse Than Swearing, Worse Than Calling Names..." is a fake posted by some filthy, scamming douche.

This is the real shit folks.

Posted by admin at 09:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (898) | TrackBacks (0)

I hope to God this guy is from Canada, Australia, or Indiana, or some other foreign country. Because if he's not, then The Terrorists are in fact victorious and The U, S, and A is truly fucked...

UPDATE!!! This is a fake! The real one is here.

Posted by admin at 07:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Yo Esé,

Porqué usted consiguió mirarme todo el divertido y mierda. ¿No puede usted verme vete a la mierda de la voluntad para arriba, homie? Sí, los dats me enderezan son un Chihuahua de mierda.

¿Usted sabe papi de los medios del dat del wha? ¿Significa que usted cierra la cogida encima del mí le hace y su pequeña hermana mis perros, perra le consiguen?

Le veré en infierno,
Cervatillo

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I'm not sure why, but I can't get Michael McDonald out of my head. It's horrible. But just like a festering zit that needs 'a poppin', I decided to excise this demon by confronting it.

And it's worse than I thought. It's actually The Doobie Brothers that's plaguing me, namely their 1981 smash hit, What a Fool Believes:

He came from somewhere back in her long ago

The sentimental fool dont see
Tryin hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life

She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...

Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe theres a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
Theres nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...

Help. Me. Please. Help me.

Posted by admin at 06:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've made my true feelings about Hillary known before, and they are once again confirmed here. It's nice to know that NY State is such an easy place to govern, allowing this Park Ridgite to fuck around in some schwag diner, biting the Sopranos finale. How creative! Meanwhile, nice fucking audio mix, stunad.

As usual, Billy (seen above fondling a cigar carrot) steals the show.

Oh yeah, one more hate/deal-sealer on why not to vote Hillary, ummm, here. I would rather castrate myself and listen to my own bloodcurdling screams, than hear anything by Celine Dion ever. Dick.

Posted by admin at 07:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I would like to help every music zine everywhere by offering various ways to marry Conor Oberst with Bright Eyes. The following is public domain, and has been approved by the artist himself:

Conor Oberst is Bright Eyes

A Profound Look Into The Conor Oberst (read) "Bright Eyes" Enigma

Posted by admin at 09:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

We are so fucking stupid...

Continue reading "I Hate Everyone" »

Posted by admin at 06:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

June 1, 2007
New York City, NY

To Whom It May Concern,

You stole my bike in broad daylight yesterday, in front of One Worldwide Plaza, while I was working inside. I know it was locked to the scaffolding, but I did not think you would take it apart and take what was not yours.

I fucking hate you, and mark my words, I will find you and kill you.

Sincerely,
Bob

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...see?

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One of my million readers sent this picture to my myspace page, but then hated on this blog. Perhaps she he is stoned confused. See, this is my blog. That, is myspace.

She he should have said, "*this is what i think of your myspace!" seeing as the comment was left on myspace, and not my blog.

Further, the "!" seems to convey excitement and joy, rather than hate. Also, what's with the rogue "*"? In the English Language, when there is one "*", there should be another "*" somewhere in the passage. This creates what is known as a footnote. As in:

Hey, I think your myspace (and blog) are totally rad!*

(then further down in the entry...)

*And when I said "totally rad", I mean TOTALLY RAD like Chloe Sevigny in Sonic Youth's Sugar Cane video.

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The saddest thing about Rock 'n Roll Fantasy Camp is having to figure out who to feel the most sorry for.

Is it the washed up rock stars, for whom this is the final curtain call? Or perhaps it's all the middle aged male CEO's that are sure to be in attendance? Maybe even the hapless porn surfer, who stumbles upon this url only to be assaulted by it's design?

I believe it's all the children of these dads that are willing to shell out $8k to "rock".

Kid to mom: "Mom, is dad coming to my soccer game?"

Mom to kid: "Well, no, daddy's playing with Bret Michaels from Poison..."

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For about the last week, I have had my head wedged completely up my own ass. I'm not sure why. Until further notice I crown myself His Majesty King Knucklehead I. Here is a list my accomplishments to merit such an honor, after the jump...

Continue reading "I have my head up my own ass" »

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I guess it's circus time in the city, hence the Ringling Bros. posters in the subway. Is t just me, or is the circus sorta infuriating terrifing?

I remember going to the circus at Medinah Temple back in the day.

I also remember that was my first time seeing someone drunk (or possibly on Angel Dust ). As we were walking to the show from the parking lot, there was this dude wearing a suit while rolling around on the side walk and clutching at the air. It was during the day. I asked my mom what was wrong with him, and she replied "He's drunk, don't look at him..." We hurried into The Greatest Show On Earth.

Continue reading "Bellobration?" »

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Everyone knows that even after all these years, Nine Inch Nails is still banging like your slutty sister on prom night. So, imagine my excitement upon the announcement of a listening party for the forthcoming release, Year Zero, at The Knitting Factory yesterday.

It's been over a year since I was thrown out of Knitting Factory, so I figured it would be safe for me to go back. Also, I expected to be able to grab a beer, listen to the album through some nice sound, and then be on my way.

Continue reading "Fuck you NIN" »

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I just got back to my desk from hours of mind-dumbing meetings, and what do I have in my inbox? Yet another special penis ad. This time, the angle is on having a bulbous dog-end penis. Thanks, Lotus and "Maryjo Wendt"!

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Often, I work onsite in the advertising industry. This means I have to work within the agency's walls and use their shitty email client, which inevitably is Lotus. Oh, how I hate Lotus. Lotus, I shake my fist at thee.

Anyway, one of the many, many shitty things about Lotus is it's smothering security features. It filters out everything and anything, then gives you an annoying day by day quarentine summary of everything it snatches.

But not this gem:

Somehow this snuck past Lotus' mighty grip. What the fuck is with the unsettling illustration? Am I supposed to relate to it?

Do I want to go to "themanxl.com" so I can be a cheesy dickface? Do I want the American Flag tied around my nuts? Couldn't I find a better pair of sunglasses? What's with my hair? What the hell is with the climate map of the US blurred out behind me? Am I to be impressed that this company has been in business for 10 years?

So many questions. Thank you "Paul" for thinking of me at my work, and sending me this piss poor, and considerably infuriating jpeg advertisment.

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I started the Master Cleanse last Thursday, March 1st. And, I'm still on it, meaning I haven't eaten anything since last Thursday. It's a bitch. I was really hungry the first 3 days, but now not so much. It's pretty boring, however. I will say that I feel good, and it's nice to take a break from inevitable drinking. As such, I feel less bloated.

I'm not sure if I'm going to do the full 10 days, I'm thinking of just going until this Thursday. We'll see.

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I've been receiving thousands of emails from fans wondering what my opinion of this past Oscars is. The only thing gayer than this year's Oscars is the picture waiting for you after the jump...

Continue reading "In response to your questions about my opinion of the Oscars..." »

Posted by admin at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Like it's website, Lost totally sucks now. Good job, ABC.

I first sensed something was wrong when they rolled out the old, "The Writers and Producers Talk About the Show" episode after the midseason hump. Imagine my fury when I thought I was going to see a new episode, but what I'm actually presented with is a couple of idiots introducing past clips, and attempting to validate fisty characters. Nice egos, dicks.

Here's a tip: stop worrying that idiot viewers are getting "lost" in the "plot", and start worrying about writing something cool. Did you guys loose a bet or something?

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Everyone knows that Liz Lemon is totally hot. But I feel that 30 Rock is starting to sex her up, as evident by shooting more scenes of her sans glasses. Unnecessary.

Scarily, I have done research into this field and am now posting my findings below for your analysis:

Hot.

Smoking hot.

Discuss.

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I wasn't really sure who or what The Plug Awards are. But what I did know is that they were hosted by David Cross, and that Silversun Pickups were playing, meaning that I could at last get to see them perform.

As a former promoter, I understand the difficulty of throwing a mutli-media, multi-performer show. It's hard. There's only one stage, so whatever is setup has to be taken down quickly. Bands nowadays are extremely varried, what with different instruments, amps, turntables, drums, etc...

Also, if you want to start adding a full high shcool marching band (who were awesome, and should have had their 15 minutes instead of 3), a "hey, that's kinda cool" barbershop quartet, stupid-ass iPod "battles", and a really queer "Album Artwork of the Year Award Performance Art Piece", well, then your troubles grow exponentially.

Continue reading "Plug Awards 2007, highlight? $10 Cover!" »

Posted by admin at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So, we tried to go to a taping of the Daily Show the other day. My man had "secured" tickets via the World Wide Interweb. These were confirmed tickets, mind you, so we didn't mind waiting outside in 20 degree weather for a few minutes because we knew our tickets were confirmed. Oh wait, they weren't.

Instead, we were treated to two fisty producers who couldn't confirm if our confirmed tickets would get us in. But we were welcome to wait outside for an hour (in 20 degree weather, did I mention that?) to see if we were the privledged few that would get to see the moderately amusing show. I guess it was too much to ask the brilliant Daily Show producers to dole out tickets ahead of time.

Obviously, there was only one clear choice.

Continue reading "Screw You, Jon Stewart" »

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I can blog even lying down. Even from bed. The world is so rad.

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I watched The Wheel last night because I don't have cable, and the only station I get is shitty ABC. Pat and Vanna are still at it after all these years, you'll be happy to know. And they still look reasonable, mostly thanks to the miracles of modern science. Yet my attention focused on Sajak.

Did you know he was a native Chicagoian? Polish American? That he went to Columbia College Chicago with Andy Richter, and this amazing artist, and that he's a conservative Republican? I did not, and I bet you didn't either. Of course, the Republican part bothers me a bit, although he can't be all bad since he too hates that balloon-headed bitch as much as I do.

Posted by admin at 03:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Straight outta Bridgeport.

And by the way, the black one says "Chicago", not Chicano, as some smartasses have pointed out. Sing-a-long after the jump...

Continue reading "You wish these were yours" »

Posted by admin at 09:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello, please excuse my growing pains as I begin to design this blog.

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